This is one of the flash fiction stories I wrote for a writing forum. Since I'm a fan of keeping all my work consolidated in one place, I thought I'd publish the stuff from that forum on my blog. Anyway, here it is.
Mommy Says Me
“I fulled up!”
“Charlie, eat your peas, please. Then you’ll be full,” the mother enjoined, apparently x-raying into the toddler’s stomach.
“Maw-mee!” the child blurted, “I dunnah like peas uhn! Muh-moh-ME!” His ejaculatory loathing dispatched all semblance of adequate language development, and he continued babbling incoherently into his dish. Perhaps because God doesn’t like peas either, Charlie’s father walked in.
“Duh-daddy?” pleading, “Mommy eat me peas!” Smugness spread across the boy’s face like a tattler exposing his classmates.
Even a tottering child knows tension in a room, knows its danger.
Her eyes darted to the sheaf of papers jutting haphazardly out of a manila file-folder on the countertop. His eyes followed hers, until he saw the subject of her attention. He took a quick, sucking breath and stammered, “Don’t.” A pause, then, knowingly, “Like this?”
Charlie, taking the sudden break in silence as proof of resolution, related to his ashen father, “Daddy, I says mommy I fulled up—”
“I’ll get better, for chrissake, Sue. Give it a chance, even.”
“—but mommy says me she fed up.”
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1 comment:
The story, even though it contains some pretty adult narration, still leaves you in the seat of the toddler, staring at a situation you don't have the context or experience to understand. Even though it sounds weird, I'm very glad you didn't "get it." It's great that you understood there was something "to get," even if you couldn't quite put your finger on it. That's 99% of what I wanted the reader to come away with here.
I'll admit, though, that I'm still getting used to posting on this blog, and the storyline may have been clearer if the dialogue was properly spaced.
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